Sierra Rosen- WISCO

 

I’ve never been comfortable trying new things. But I’m getting better.

As a kid, I refused to try anything out of my usual routine. At 9, my parents signed me up for tennis lessons. “I can’t go alone,” I yelled then hid in their hamper so I wouldn’t have to leave. My older brother videoed me screaming and crying and made a whole series of my fits. To get me out of the house, my mom said, “We’ll just drive around the park to see who’s there.” Once inside the car, I triple-seat-belted myself so she couldn’t get me out. 

I didn’t just reject tennis; I was stubborn about trying anything new. 

In 6th grade, my mom signed me up for volleyball so I could experience a team sport. The day before, I threw my usual fit. My brother grabbed my arm and took me on a walk. “Talk to me.” He wanted to know what my problem was. I wasn’t sure, but I did know I tensed up at the thought of yet another new sport with new people and new challenges. How would I have time for my homework? What if I was the worst player there? What if I didn’t fit in?

Nobody except my family saw this side of me. I was (and still am) scared to show outsiders my vulnerable side. At parent-teacher conferences, every teacher said, “I wish I had a room full of Sierras.”  

One weekend, my brother was home from college and made dinner for the family: Brussels sprouts, one of the many vegetables I despised at the time. He cut the sprouts in half and tossed them in nutritional yeast, agave, and other seasonings. He said, “Food is an experience.” When they were perfectly browned and slightly crunchy on the outside, my brother pulled them out of the oven. “Try one.”

It was delicious.  

As I got older, I was good at making excuses about why I didn’t want to try something new. 

This past year, I needed an art credit. Ceramics was full, so I was forced to sign up for Fiber Studio. I was given a skein of yarn and a hook. “Ok, chain 22 stitches.” I looked at the door and felt the need to flee. Is this really going to be my most challenging class? Five classes later, I was the girl who arrived early and stayed late. On the weekends, I drove 90 minutes to Sheep Thrills, a yarn shop, where I bought enough yarn to make the biggest, chunkiest blanket ever. I was hooked. 

That experience, along with volleyball and tennis, taught me that once I got proficient and made friends at whatever new thing I was trying, I actually enjoyed it.

Tennis and crochet are a huge part of who I am. The anticipation of all the things that could go wrong was blocking me, but now that I know why I tensed up, I refuse to let that happen again. 

Recently, I found a quote that said, 99% of the things you worry about never happen and it resonated. Now, I don't think about the first day of school until the first day of school. When I try a new fitness class, I go with a friend. If I’m going somewhere new, I map it beforehand to make it more familiar. I’m learning how to navigate my apprehensions so they pave my road, not become barriers.

I know I’m going to be nervous on the first day of everything, especially college, but I know I’m going to love living in a new town with new classes and new friends. My experiences have shown me that’s just who I am. I don’t hide in the hamper anymore. I try new foods. I refuse to let fear prevent me from adventure. It’s taken me a lifetime to get here, but I’m ready.